I tried writing an Oscar predictions post like I did last year, but it came out bad and depressing. This is the only paragraph that was worth anything:
Best Actor. I wish to start this off by saying that I look forward to the Academy inevitably giving Gary Oldman a lifetime achievement award in an effort to apologize for overlooking his entire career and then nominating him for staring out of windows for two hours. Anyway. I guess it’s between Jean Dujardin and George Clooney? Is that correct? God, I know nothing. I think Jean Dujardin will and should win. I love him. I love his face, I love his smile, I love those epileptic caterpillars that live above his eyes. I’m also looking forward to the post-win photocall, because he is the kind of guy who will pose with that Oscar like a madman after he wins it. If he wins, I guarantee you two photos: 1. Dujardin kissing the Oscar. 2. Dujardin biting the Oscar. Mark my words, this will happen. Clooney would just hold down at his side like it’s an empty beer bottle and he’s waiting to wander past a trash can.
Thank you, that is all.
BEST PICTURE (5/5)
ARGO; LINCOLN; LES MISERABLES; SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK; ZERO DARK THIRTY
IF MORE THAN FIVE: (3/4)
DJANGO UNCHAINED; BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD; LIFE OF PI; THE IMPOSSIBLE (You scoff, but it’d be the EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE slot); SKYFALL
BEST DIRECTOR (3/5)
Ben Affleck; Kathryn Bigelow; Ang Lee; David O. Russell; Steven Spielberg
Spoiler: Tom Hooper
BEST ACTRESS (3/5)
Jessica Chastain; Marion Cotillard; Jennifer Lawrence; Naomi Watts; Rachel Weisz
Spoiler: Emmanuelle Riva
BEST ACTOR (4/5)
Bradley Cooper; Daniel Day-Lewis; John Hawkes; Hugh Jackman; Denzel Washington
Spoiler: Joaquin Phoenix
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS (3/5)
Sally Field; Anne Hathaway; Helen Hunt; Nicole Kidman; Maggie Smith
Spoiler: Amy Adams
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR (3/5)
Alan Arkin; Tommy Lee Jones; Philip Seymour Hoffman; Ewan McGregor; Eddie Redmayne
Spoiler: Robert DeNiro
We all realize the cast of Bridesmaids were the best presenters of the evening by far, yes?
(Photo of Rose Byrne and Melissa McCarthy appearing to down those tiny little bottles of vodka during their presentation for Best, um, something during the 84th annual Academy Awards by the AP via the Daily Mail)
Rose Byrne is the unsung hero of “Bridesmaids.”
Emily might be my favorite writer.
Dat face part 2!
No guarantee this is the last Jean Dujardin pic I reblog.
Meryl Streep and Jean Dujardin with their Oscars.
Get me the romantic comedy starring these two, stat.
This is a Jean Dujardin blog.